February 2012
19 posts
On the 54th Day of 2012
Getting an extra egg roll in my General Tso lunch special has made me happier than the acceptance letter from NYU grad school. #fatpriorities.
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Oh god, I just hashtagged…incorrectly at that!
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On the 47th Day of 2012
I am hung over at 3pm and missed all my classes for the day. Well done, self.
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Fuck a cupholder. I need a burritoholder.
Sometimes I think I eat so much because I can’t differentiate between hunger and stress…and boredom…and annoyance, anger, sadness, happiness, contentment, derangement, horniness, meh-ness, etc.
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January 2012
36 posts
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Daily Grumble
Whenever somebody tells me that he or she is socially liberal but fiscally conservative, I want to respond, “Oh, so you’re just a juvenile asshole then?”
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We get along
My Korean mother does not speak English.
Sometimes it’s rather annoying, especially when she calls me frantically (frequently in the middle of a lecture) about the cable not working, this and that being broken, some vaguely threatening letter from the bank, etc. (By the way, no establishment has so desperately needed a flaming bag of poop through its window as does Time Warner Cable...
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Chinwagging II
S: Oh, I see where I stand. Tacos, drumming, Kendo, ball scratching - and all the way down the list is me.
SB: Oh come now. You're definitely higher than ball scratching.
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Chinwagging with my fella
SB: I’m going to the shelter, you have to help me pick out a cat.
S: Yesh, we’ll get a sexy, black one - and get him a bow tie.
SB: He will be classy as fuck.
S: Classy as shitballs.
SB: Classy as cockgobblers.
S: Classy as a pair of wrinkly vagina lips with ingrown hair.
SB: Classy as a shriveled old dick in a mayonnaise jar.
S: Classy as Kim Kardashian’s dingleberries.
SB: Classy as queefing out some Santorum.
S: Classy as being rejected from 2 Girls 1 Cup audition.
…and it went on like this for a while.
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On the third day of 2012
I’m really miserable. I feel as though I’ve hit rock bottom, and I can only hope that life doesn’t yell, “Surprise! There’s 60 feet more shit down below!”